Last Updated on Monday, May 5, 2025 by Lavania Oluban
Before I became a single mum, I didn’t even have the time to think about self-care. I let myself go, because honestly, I didn’t feel good in myself. I was stuck in a cycle of emotional exhaustion, sarcasm, and trying to please someone who barely noticed whether I’d made an effort or not.
I didn’t have the time or energy to go to the gym. Even having a bath on my own was a luxury. Doing my hair, putting on makeup, choosing outfits all the things that used to make me feel good slowly disappeared. And the worst part was that I stopped caring, because I didn’t feel seen. That should never have happened. I should never have tied my self-image to someone else’s approval, but that’s where I was.
Everything changed when it was just me.
I started showing up for myself
The biggest shift? Time. Suddenly, I had space to think, feel, and do things just for me. I wasn’t worried about what someone else would say about how I looked or what I wore. In fact, I didn’t reinvent myself, I found myself again.
I started listening to the music I used to love. I rediscovered my old style. The bright clothes. The bold choices. I wasn’t dressing for boring pubs anymore. I was dressing for me. I started booking festivals, trying new experiences, and throwing myself into anything that made me feel alive. It felt like I could finally be myself without someone judging me.
No one was asking where I was going or who I was with. No one was watching. That freedom was everything.
Self-care is deeper than people think
These days, self-care looks like all sorts of things. Sometimes it’s surface-level. Sometimes it’s deep. But it always comes back to choosing myself.
It’s taking myself to the hairdresser for a blow dry.
It’s buying the expensive makeup on payday without guilt.
It’s spending an hour in the bath, just because I want to.
It’s upgrading to nice cotton sheets because I deserve a proper night’s sleep.
It’s waking up early, having a slow morning and eating a decent breakfast. It’s spending time with people who energise me. Dancing in the kitchen when no one is watching. Having real conversations with friends who understand me — not feeling like I have to shrink myself to keep someone else happy.
It’s the late-night reading sessions with the light on as long as I like. It’s emotional documentaries that shift your whole perspective. It’s buying myself flowers and not waiting for someone to think of me first.
I don’t wait for someone else to give me permission
That’s the core of it. I stopped waiting. I don’t need someone else to tell me when I deserve a treat or a break. I don’t need to explain myself. I don’t need to sacrifice my joy to keep someone else comfortable.
Self-care isn’t about candles or bubble baths, although those are lovely. It’s about reclaiming your time, your body, your identity, your joy. It’s making small decisions every day that say “I choose me.”
And honestly? That glow-up isn’t about appearances. It’s about peace. Confidence. Strength. And that’s something no one can take away from me now.
