There’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely, but it took me a long time to understand it.
We live in a world that’s always switched on. Everyone looks so connected on social media, yet so many people still feel isolated. You can be surrounded by people and still feel completely unseen. I know because I’ve been there.
I’ve never felt more alone than when I was in a relationship where the connection just wasn’t there. Now, as a single parent, I spend a lot of time on my own. When my son is with his other parent, the house feels quiet, and weekends are mostly about him, so Friday and Saturday nights when he’s fast asleep I’m downstairs alone. It could easily feel lonely, but over time I’ve learned to fill that space with meaning and moments that make me feel grounded. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything.
Being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. Sometimes it’s exactly what you need to get back to yourself.
Redefine What Connection Means
Connection doesn’t always mean being surrounded by people. It’s about feeling seen, even in small moments.
For me, the gym has been a huge help. I sign up for group exercise classes and try to stick to the same ones each week. I start to recognise faces, say hi, chat about the class, and before long I’m part of the group. We end up celebrating birthdays, organising charity events, and sharing silly messages in our WhatsApp chat.
Exercise gives me energy, but it’s also about that shared routine. You start to realise how much simple human interaction can lift you up.
Find the Little Everyday Interactions
When you’ve had a quiet day, it’s the small things that make a difference.
Sometimes I walk to the corner shop just for the sake of getting out. I smile at people walking their dogs and make an effort to say hello to the person behind the counter. It might be the only proper conversation I have that day, but it’s still a moment of connection.
At work, I try to be the person who asks about someone’s weekend or notices a new haircut. Not everyone wants to chat, but some do. It’s often those small conversations that turn into real friendships. You find common ground with people over the tiniest of things when you discover a shared interest. Someone a couple of years ago was humming a song from a musical I recognised and that was a the start of a friendship. Of course we have been to see the show together already and had many more lovely evenings out and about.
Do More of What You Love
Doing the things you enjoy is one of the easiest ways to meet people naturally.
I’ve always loved crafting. Visiting markets, chatting to stallholders, and eventually hosting my own stalls helped me find people who share the same passions. Over time, it’s grown into a little side hustle and I even run workshops now. It’s funny how things fall into place once you start doing what you love. It’s easy to engage people in a conversation when they’re talking about something they enjoy.
If this is a shared passion and there is something you’ve always wanted to know then ask questions, you leave know where that conversation will lead.
Online friendships count too. I’ve met amazing people through hobby groups and we’ve even arranged meet-ups, beach days with the kids, or coffee catch-ups when I’ve been passing through their city. I often watch the same streamers and chat to people from all over the world in the comments threads. A group of us solve puzzles and crosswords together.
Of course, you need to be sensible. Always trust your instincts and meet in safe, public places. But when you find genuine connections online, they can be just as meaningful as the ones you make in person.
Get Comfortable in Your Own Company
Being alone used to make me uncomfortable. I’d sit at home wondering what to do and try and wonder if there was something I was missing out on. Now it feels like a treat. Life gets so busy that sometimes I need to embrace a little bit of solitude.
I used to save things like bath bombs and candles for “special occasions.” They’d end up sitting on the shelf gathering dust before having to be thrown away. Now, I light the candle, run the bath and make an evening of it. A quiet night to yourself is special.
It’s not about loneliness. It’s about learning to look after yourself.
Turn Solitude Into Something Positive
When I’ve got an empty house and a free evening, I sometimes like to use the time to get things done. I’ll list a few bits on Vinted, tackle a drawer that’s been annoying me for weeks, or finish something I’ve been putting off.
Just recently I sat down for a couple of hours and got my tax return done. One of those things I was putting off and dreading – and the feeling of heaviness as deadlines loomed had got me – but now suddenly I feel like I’m floating on air and free to enjoy the rest of the school holidays.
It might not sound exciting, but that little sense of achievement changes how you feel about being on your own. It’s much better than losing hours scrolling through social media.
Try this when you’re feeling lonely:
- Go for a short walk and say hello to three people.
- Message someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.
- Do one productive thing your future self will thank you for.
- Run a bath and put on your favourite playlist.
- Write down five things you enjoy doing alone.
Say Yes to Solo Adventures
Going out on your own can feel strange at first, but it gets easier.
I like to take myself for lunch or coffee and bring a book. Reading looks intentional and helps you feel more relaxed than scrolling on your phone. It also makes you look confident in your own company. People notice that energy.
Choose a seat carefully. If you want to people watch from a corner at first then go for it. If you’re looking for conversation then pick a spot near the bar area or entrance. Friendly conversation with the staff and becoming a regular and seeing the same people in the same place can become a lovely routine.
I’ve had plenty of random conversations this way. Sometimes it’s about the book I’m reading, sometimes just about the weather. It might be small talk, but it still reminds you that you’re part of the world.
Even simple things like catching the bus instead of driving can spark conversations. People always seem to stop to talk to me at bus stops.
Look for Local Community Spaces
Libraries, bookshops, and community centres are brilliant for meeting people. They often host free events, book clubs, or workshops where you can get involved.
Volunteering is another way to connect. I’ve helped in charity shops and local events before and now I’m thinking about helping with my son’s Cubs group. If I’m there anyway, I may as well make some social connections instead of sitting in the car playing Candy Crush on my own.
You don’t have to do anything huge. Just take small opportunities when they come up.
Parent Communities (Even If You’re Not a “Playground Mum”)
As a working parent, I often do early or late school runs. I see the same faces every day, but we’re all rushing to get to work. It’s easy to feel on the outside looking in. I’ll be honest and say I’m certainly not the PTA kind of parent but that is a very good way to make connections with other parents.
I can’t always get involved in every school event, but when I do make the effort to go, I end up chatting to people. You realise that most parents feel the same way. We’re all just trying to get through the day and do our best. Having that in common helps break the ice.
Reach Out When You Need To
Everyone feels lonely sometimes. Even people in relationships or surrounded by friends. The key is not to sit with it in silence.
My friends and I are all busy, but we make the effort to meet up every few months. Those catch-ups mean the world to me. And if I’m having a rough day, I know I can send a quick message just to say hi.
Sometimes I’ll call a friend while I’m cooking dinner and just chat about nothing in particular. It’s not a deep conversation, but it’s comforting. You don’t always need a grand plan to connect.
Even if it’s been a while since you reached out to a friend, the next time you think of them, get in touch. Sending a meme across, or a photograph of something random or even a random social media post with a life update on a mutual friend. That barrier of worrying about if it’s been too long is only visible to you and will disappear as soon as you want it to.
You’re Never Truly Alone
You’re not the only one who feels lonely sometimes. Most people do, they just don’t talk about it.
Being alone isn’t a bad thing. It can be a chance to rest, recharge and rediscover who you are outside of everyone else’s noise.
So open the curtains, step outside, join that class or message that friend. Connection doesn’t have to come from other people all the time. Sometimes it starts with you.